Dead Man Walking
by pickalily
Summary: After nineteen-year-old Eren Jaeger gets killed when a vending machine falls on him on his first day at work, he dies and becomes a Reaper, a person who collects the souls of those who dies. While learning about his new place in life (or death), Eren comes to terms with his death and finds that it's not until after his death that he understands what life is.
1. Dead Man Walking

_**A/N:** I really, really love Bryan Fuller shows and was thinking about what ones I could use for AUs and I thought it would be really cool of I did a Dead Like Me one with an SnK twist._

 _WARNING: There are character deaths._

* * *

Everyone dies, some sooner than later. Unbeknownst to Eren Jaeger, nineteen-year-old community college dropout, he would be one of the former, but that's getting a little bit ahead of the story. Right now, Eren was sitting at the table, picking at his peas as he awaited the inevitable lecture that he would be getting from his mother any minute.

Carla Jaeger, Eren's mother, was seething. Steam was pretty much coming out of her ears at this point and Eren knew that it wouldn't be long now before she exploded. It was pretty amazing that she hadn't blown up at him when he first walked through the door earlier that day actually. The silence didn't last that much longer because Carla slammed down her silverware and gave Eren a good, hard look. "Eren Jaeger," she said through gritted teeth. It was never Eren anymore. No, she always seemed to be using his first and last name these days. His middle name, too, if she was feeling particularly pissed. "Care to share how your interview went today?"

He reached out and took a sip of water from the glass in front of him. "Not particularly," he replied, shrugging.

His adopted sister Mikasa looked alarmed. He didn't know why. She should be used to these sorts of arguments he and his mom had by now. Even if she had come home from university for the summer just last week, Mikasa had probably witnessed a fight between Eren and his mother every other day. It wasn't as if his relationship with his mother hadn't been all that relaxed prior to his college years either. "What happened?" Mikasa asked.

"Keith called and told me he turned down Eren for a job after his interview," Carla answered but her eyes were still on Eren. "You were incredibly disrespectful to him. How the hell did you expect to get a job with your sort of attitude?"

Eren rolled his eyes. "Well, maybe he forgot to mention the part where I said I was completely disinterested in a temp job because it didn't seem particularly fulfilling," he replied, twirling his fork in his right hand. "And for the record, I never wanted that job in the first place."

"He's a family friend, Eren," his mother said in exasperation. "Couldn't you have at least had a little bit more tact than that?"

He scowled. "I told you last week I didn't want to go to the stupid interview. I don't want a job handed to me just because my mom is friends with Keith Shadis," Eren replied. "I hate handouts."

"It's not a handout," his mother said. "It's just a little push. Eren, you dropped out of college, you didn't even finish a whole year, just let me help you get a job –"

"You've been babying me my whole life, Mom!" Eren said, his voice rising. They had reached the point in the conversation where they'd just be yelling at each other now, Eren knew. It always, always came down to this because his mother could never understand that he didn't need her help. "Can't you let me do something for once in my life without holding my hand?"

"Why must you always be so stubborn about this?" she yelled back, her voice equally loud if not louder. She slammed her hands on the table, standing now so she could look down on him. "Is it so wrong to want to guide you to a successful path?"

"Dad would understand! He'd let me find my own way!" Eren shouted. He was standing now as well, taking the same stance his mother was.

"Eren…" Mikasa said quietly, reaching out to tug on his sleeve. She was no doubt trying to get him to calm down but he wasn't going to back off now. He shook her off, glaring. He almost told her to stay out of it and probably would have if his mother hadn't spoken.

"Your father isn't even here right now," his mother said coldly. "He is never there for you, Eren." _Your father doesn't love you._ She didn't say it but Eren knew she was thinking it whenever he brought up his father. It wasn't true though. He was sure of it.

"Because he knows he doesn't need to be there for me anymore!" Eren exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air wildly. "Because what you're doing isn't helping me. You're trapping me. You're _suffocating_ me." He swallowed and saw his mother had taken a few steps back, a hand clutched to her heart as if he had stabbed her there. She looked at him as if a monster stood before her.

Mikasa stood up this time, her chair squeaking across the floor as it slid back. "Eren," she said, no doubt trying to get him to apologize to his mother, but he was tired of her interfering all of the time too. She was always trying to get him to appease his mother. She was just like her, always hovering over Eren and insisting that he needed help, so he waved her off.

"I'm heading to my room," he announced, already turning on his heel. Half of his dinner still sat on his plate but it didn't matter. He wasn't feeling that hungry anyway.

He would have slammed the door like he usually did but on this day he was feeling more tired and frustrated than he normally did after a fight so he just let it swing shut softly behind him. Eren collapsed on his bed and rolled onto his back, an arm lying across his forehead. Did he like arguing with his mother? One might think so because he did so frequently but he really did hate it. But it wasn't his fault. Besides, they wouldn't be arguing nearly as much if his mom would just leave him alone. He was nineteen now, no longer a child, and having her hovering over his shoulder would stifle his growth. But somehow she never seemed to understand that.

Eren rolled on his side and sighed. It wasn't like he was her only child. After all, they had Mikasa. Mikasa was naturally intelligent and it seemed like everything came easily to her. With her grades and impressive athletic ability, she was easily admitted to Rose University. The same couldn't be said for Eren. While his application for Sina University was accepted, he decided to just attend Shiganshina Community College instead, much to his mother's dismay. He could get a degree and not have to worry about crippling debt if he worked at a part time job, he thought. Except college was much harder than he had anticipated and his mother still wouldn't leave him alone so he stopped going to college entirely and decided to just focus on the job part. Hell, she was going to be pissed at whatever he did so he might as well just do what he wanted, right? Except things still weren't going in the direction he wanted and here he was still living with his parents, with no hope of getting a degree, and throwing away another job opportunity that he admittedly needed because his stubbornness and insistent independence got him fired from all of the previous small jobs he did.

He closed his eyes, slowly breathing in and out. Dying might be an option, he thought tiredly. His mom wouldn't be there to nag him and he'd be free of having to deal with all of this crap. He wasn't serious, of course. Eren was stupid, yes, but he wasn't a suicidal bastard. No, he planned to just scour the streets for another job and hopefully land one within the next couple of weeks or something. Maybe his life would start to look up. Fate, however, had other plans for Eren.

* * *

He was sleeping soundly in his bed before someone pulled the sheets off of his body and Eren stirred. "Stop," he said sleepily, trying to reach for his blankets but they were nowhere to be found. He cracked open an eye and saw Mikasa standing next to his bed, his blanket on the floor next to her feet. Her hands were on her hips and she was frowning. "What is it?"

"Get up," she said. "You have work."

"I have what?" he said, sitting up. Now that was news. If he recalled correctly, he completely blew the interview yesterday. Only a miracle could of gotten him a job or…

"Mom talked to Shadis and he told her that they had an opening that might be to your liking," Mikasa said. "You need to be downtown in an hour if you want to make it in time for your first day. I ironed your clothes for you. They're on your chair."

Eren rubbed his face. Of course his mother talked to Shadis. He wasn't surprised at all. He snatched his blanket from off the ground and pulled it over his head. "I'm not going," he mumbled. "Who wants a shitty ass job in a place like that anyway?"

"Eren." Mikasa was using her stern voice now. It was always amazing how much threat she could put in his name considering it was only four letters long. "Go. Just one day. Please. For me."

He lay there for a while, still hidden under his sheets, and then emerged. He sighed and held his hand out so she could hand him his clothes. "Fine," he grumbled. "I'll go."

"Thanks, Eren." Mikasa gave him his clothes and kissed him gently on the cheek, making sure to shut the door softly behind her when she left.

He dressed quickly and left the house, taking only himself and his wallet, and didn't bother grabbing breakfast. Eren contemplated saying goodbye to his mother but he was still pissed about last night, so he just strolled through the hallway. He didn't know why he lingered just a bit before opening the door, but his mother completely ignored him and continued to wash the dishes instead so he left without a second thought, giving the door a little slam on his way out.

They both regretted not saying goodbye to each other later.

* * *

He knew he would be getting a job at the temp agency. What he didn't know was that he wouldn't even be given a temp job. Instead, he was being forced into filing. Eren was just about ready to explode when Keith Shadis had told him what he would be doing but thought better of it. After filing for an hour, he was really wishing he had told off Shadis anyway.

"What did you do to piss him off so much?" the only other girl in the room asked him. Shadis had introduced her as Sasha, if Eren could recall correctly, but he hadn't bothered giving her a last name and Eren was too grumpy to ask. She was much better at filing than Eren was. She'd already gone through two boxes to his one and was well into her third. Then again, it sort of just looked like she was jamming whatever folders into the general area they were supposed to be in alphabetically. It was making Eren wonder just how much effort he should actually put into this stupid job.

"Excuse me?" Eren said, remembering that she was addressing him.

She smirked at him. "Shadis only gives people he absolutely hates this job," she explained, shoving another folder onto a shelf.

Eren snorted, setting aside the files he was holding, and leaned against a shelf. "What did _you_ do to piss him off?"

Her cheeks colored and the lanky girl quickly went back to sorting files to avoid his gaze. "I asked you first!" she mumbled.

He sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "I told him he was an ass and I didn't want a job at this crummy temp agency," he confessed. He looked over at her to see if she was judging him and was surprised to find that she was holding back giggles. Eren straightened up and frowned at her. "What are you laughing at?"

Unable to hold back any longer, she burst into howling laughter. While it was nice to finally be in the presence of someone who wasn't pissed or worried about him, Eren still took a peek out of the door's window to make sure no one would come in and accuse them of goofing off.

She wiped a tear from her eye – Eren couldn't actually believe this girl was actually laughing so hard she was crying – and took a few breaths to calm down. "Sorry, it's just that I can't believe anyone would ever say that to him! Oh my god." Sasha covered her mouth with a hand to muffle her snickers. "Jesus, no wonder he was pissed the other day. No one's ever stood up to Shadis ever. I mean, I've only been working here for a few months but everyone seems to be scared shitless of the guy."

He had to admit that the little fact Sasha shared gave him a surge of pride. When she was done laughing, he decided to repeat his question. "So why does Shadis hate you so much?"

Sasha's face became immediately sober and she looked down at the ground. "I ate all the chips in the vending machines," she mumbled.

"You ate all the-"

The girl sunk down to her knees and buried her face in her hands. "I seriously thought no one would notice," she moaned. "I mean, I bought them all with my own money, so it technically shouldn't even be that big of a deal, right? And it's not like I ate _all_ of them. There were only a couple of bags left in the vending machine when I got there."

"I don't think so. Why would it be?" He wasn't sure if he should stop working and go over and comfort her. It was pretty weird to see someone get so traumatized over an incident with potato chips.

She let out a huge sigh. "It was actually because I was eating them during my shifts instead of during breaks," she said sheepishly, twirling her ponytail around her finger. "Shadis has this super strict 'no eating while you work' policy. Of course, when he found out that I pretty much hoarded _all_ of the potato chips, it just gave him more reason to hate me." She blew he bangs out of her eyes and sighed again.

Eren raised his eyebrows. "All of the chips, Sasha?" he repeated. "A little selfish there, aren't you? Think about all of the poor chip-deprived coworkers you have now." He let out a short _tsk_ and waggled his finger at her.

She opened her mouth, ready to defend herself, but saw that he was joking and allowed him a smile. "I actually brought some today if you want any," she told him. "Not from the vending machine. Just from a 7-Eleven I pass by every day. We can eat them during our lunch break."

Eren was about to respond when there was a sharp rap at the door.

"I hope you two are working," Shadis' voice boomed.

"Yes, sir!" Sasha squeaked. She had immediately started sorting files once again, actually taking the time to peer at the names and place them in the proper spot. The potato chips were completely forgotten.

Eren frowned and got back to work as well. The last thing he needed was another scolding from Shadis. While Eren would never admit to be scared of Shadis, he felt a wave of relief wash over him once he heard his manager's footsteps fade away. He looked over at Sasha but saw that she was still filing folders with the same diligence and concentration she had when Shadis' voice had startled her. While Eren hadn't planned on making friends at work, he wouldn't have minded if he had Sasha had become more acquainted, but it looked like she was a little too shaken by Shadis to pursue their potential friendship any longer.

They worked together in silence for another hour before Sasha, noticing the time, gave a loud cheer and stretched.

"It's finally our lunch hour!" she exclaimed happily. The girl bounced towards Eren, grabbing her bag on the floor, and smiled at him. She was a little taller than him so he had to look up at her when they were talking face-to-face like this. "Want to grab something together?"

He should have said yes. It wouldn't hurt to have at least one person he liked to hang out with at work. But he also felt like he needed some space after everything that happened yesterday night. He'd have more than enough lunches with her later. It wouldn't hurt her if he just declined her offer this one day.

"No thanks," he said. He immediately regretted it after he saw her face fall. It made him feel like an ass, to be quite frank. Sasha looked like she worked by herself filing papers and, when she's finally made an acquaintance of the newbie, he just had to be a douche and ruin everything for her. It almost made him change his mind. Almost. "How about tomorrow?"

She looked at him in surprise. "Oh!" she said. "Yeah, that works! Whatever's best for you." Sasha gave him an awkward smile along with an equally awkward wave before disappearing out the door.

He had the sudden urge to chase after her but, hey, he was going to see her in an hour anyway. Well, forty-five minutes. Shadis had given him a quick rundown of his schedule and had heavily emphasized that the lunch hour, despite the name, was only forty-five minutes. Eren would have asked why but thought better of it. He had run out of fucks to give and wasn't really a big fan of lunch anyway. He promised to make it up to her tomorrow. Maybe he'd buy her a pack of chips for her during lunch as a bit of an apology.

He ended up at eating a crap sandwich at a crappy sandwich shop after getting coffee that, frankly, tasted more like dirt than actual coffee. He wasn't sure if everything just tasted like garbage because he was in a terrible mood or if it really did taste awful. Eren would be sure to take Sasha's next lunch offer if. She looked like she knew good places to eat.

He smiled as he thought of the cheerful brunette. He was never really great at making friends and really only hung out with Mikasa when he was growing up. His temper was too short and he was quick to pick a fight. He couldn't remember the last time he got along with someone as easily as he did with Sasha.

After strolling back into the building, Eren spotted a vending machine and, noticing that he still had enough money in his pocket for a bag of chips, walked towards it. He still had five minutes before he had to check in. Buying a bag of chips was the least he could do for Sasha, the chipper girl who had kept him company during their horrendously boring job. Besides, it was about damn time he at least tried to maintain a friendship with someone who wasn't his adopted sister.

The problem was the machine wouldn't give him his damn chips. It just ate up his money and refused to spit out his bag of goodies. Unwilling to explode at malfunctioning robot lest Keith Shadis appear and fire him, Eren pursed his lips and gave the machine a good slap.

"Come on," he muttered, giving it another smack. He must have been hitting it harder than he thought because his hand was beginning to sting. "Just give me this one thing today. Just one thing for the one good thing that's happened to me today, is that too much to ask?"

It must have been because the machine just sat there in silence. It didn't even whir to indicate that it was _trying_ to work.

Ridiculous as it was, Eren could feel his temper rising. He could always just wait another day and buy a bag from another vending machine but he hadn't brought any more money with him and felt like this was some weird punishment from the universe. Was it because he never finished community college? Or maybe it was because he always argued with his mother, who nagged him all day? It might also be because he was giving his adopted sister, who was siding with his mother lately, the cold shoulder lately. Perhaps it was even because he was stupid enough to get into a fight with Keith Shadis during the interview, landing him in this crappy job. But, hell, the filing job was punishment enough, so what the hell was this?

"Did the machine eat up your money?" a voice asked.

Eren whirled around to see a strange standing right next to him. He was a bespectacled man, his round glasses sitting on top of the bridge of his long, thin nose. His hair was brown and he had bangs long enough to hang in his eyes. He had a beard that wasn't all that neat and Eren wondered why Keith Shadis hadn't yelled at him to shave yet. Maybe he didn't work on this floor. After all, he didn't dress like he worked there. Most people wore a button up and slacks – khakis if they were feeling particularly daring – but this guy was just wearing a zip up over a plain white tee. Eren wasn't sure about the dress code on the other floors, but he was pretty sure this wasn't standard dress for a anyone at the temp agency. "It…yeah, it ate up my dollar," Eren stuttered. He tried to recognize the man but found that he couldn't.

"Hm," the man said thoughtfully. He stood beside Eren and gave a long, hard look at the machine. "You know, I find that giving it a decent kick will sometimes be enough to make it work."

Eren scoffed. "Yeah, like I can manhandle workplace property like that." Then again…

"It's not like anyone's watching," the man said. He pushed his glasses up and gave Eren a grin. The way he said the very words that were running through Eren's mind gave him chills up his spine. "Besides, it's not like your boss isn't an asshole. And how's he going to know about a small kick to the vending machine?"

"I don't…"

The man raised his hands. "I've overstepped my boundaries," he said apologetically, taking a step away from Eren. "Sorry. You just looked like you were having a bad day. Wouldn't hurt to get you a little something to make it a little better. It's the least you deserve." Before Eren can speak, the man gave him a pat on the back and left, probably going back to his cubicle.

Eren sighed and rested his forehead against the vending machine. He gave it a couple of more pathetic smacks but nothing came out.

Was the universe really against him? He knew he wasn't the best person around but it wasn't like he was the worst person ever. So what if he didn't get along with his mom? A lot of other people didn't either. She had Mikasa to fawn over anyway. Perfect Mikasa, the model child, and his mother didn't even have to go through the burden of giving birth to her! While Mikasa had never flaunted her flawless grades or superb athletic ability at him, his mother often used he against him to show him everything the ideal child should be. His mom kept bringing up the fact that his father was never there for him but the thing she didn't understand was that his dad was the only one who believed he could do anything, which was _why_ he left Eren by himself.

He didn't know when he started kicking the damn thing. He just knew that he was and that someone was screaming for him to stop. Other people were surrounding him but no one daring to touch him. It was fine. He didn't care if other people got involved. That was how he liked it anyway.

He didn't even notice the vending machine swaying as he kicked it harder and harder. It was only when it finally tipped over when he realized he was going to die. The surprising thing was that it didn't hurt when his body was finally smashed against the huge metal box. Not even a little bit.

* * *

Eren wasn't a big believer of the afterlife or anything like that. If he absolutely had to think up what happened after death, he certainly wouldn't think it was like what he was seeing now. For one thing, it looked pretty much like where he was just a few seconds ago, but now he was watching as blood pool out from under where he assumed his crushed carcass was. People pushed and shoved at him, trying to get closer to the body and then wondering exactly what to do. They didn't exactly give drills for this sort of thing.

He stood there trying to process everything. He couldn't possibly be in two places at once, but no one seemed to notice the Eren that was standing with them. All everyone was concerned about was the Eren beneath the machine. It was like he was some sort of ghost or maybe he was just having some bizarre out-of-body experience.

Someone tugged on his sleeve.

"Jaeger?" a woman said. She was standing next to Eren and could only be a few years or so older than him. He couldn't recall ever seeing her and concluded that she probably worked in a different department or floor. Then again, he'd only worked there for a day so he might not have met her yet. She looked friendly enough – bright ginger hair and amber eyes with a pleasant smile. "Eren Jaeger, if I heard correctly."

He blinked. "Yes, that's me," he said, studying her more closely.

"Great!" She linked her arm with his and led him away from the growing crowd that was still gathering around his dead body. Although he never particularly liked strangers touching him, Eren was much too shocked to pull away from her. "I'm Petra Ral." She had a rather brisk pace, the skirts of her floral dress swishing with every step she took. He wondered if she held a secretary position in the front office. It would certainly explain her outfit, which was much brighter and more cheerful than anyone else in the office was wearing. Eren would have settled on that idea but realized that he didn't even vaguely remember anyone who looked or dressed like the woman when he entered the building this morning.

"Hey," he said numbly. He craned his neck to take another look at his body but couldn't see it because of the mass of people obscuring his view. Eren pointed to where his body lay and looked back at the mysterious ginger woman. "Did I just…die?"

She nodded enthusiastically. "You did! First time I've ever seen anyone die via vending machine. I thought that stuff only happened in cartoons or something," she said, clearly amused. She had the decency not to laugh but Eren still wished she would treat his death with a little more delicacy. The woman patted Eren's arm comfortingly. "It's nice that you're so accepting of your death though. Sometimes I have to walk people through the five stages of grief. You normally only hear about widows and the family of the person who just passed going through that, but it turns out that the deceased need to be walked through them sometimes as well."

A well-dressed man with a bright red tie stood at the end of the hallway waiting for them. He must have been a friend of Petra's because the woman waved to him as they got near. "Talkative today, aren't you, Petra?" the man said. He was very tall in comparison, easily a foot taller than the woman. He wasn't anyone that Eren recognized either and was dressed much too formally to be a worker here.

"Well, it won't do to just awkwardly walk him through everything, will it?" Petra huffed. She pouted, pretending to be hurt by his comment, but she smiled when he reached out to pat her head. "Eren, this is Erwin Smith."

"Pleased to meet you," Erwin said pleasantly as if this was every other day and not the day Eren happened to fall down dead.

"Are you guys angels?" Eren wondered aloud.

"We're not," Erwin said, shaking his head. "They're much higher up and deal with more…technical things. Although Petra does get mistaken for one quite regularly." He smiled at his petite companion.

She sniffed disdainfully at the compliment. "I'd rather not be mistaken for one of them," she said, wrinkling her nose. "I dated an angel once and they're actually quite stuffy. Very pretentious." She patted Eren's arm. "Don't worry, we're much nicer than them."

"I…I see," Eren stammered. He was having quite a hard time taking everything in.

"You might know us better as reapers though," Erwin said. "We reap the souls of the dead, not unlike yourself, and help deliver them to the right place." They reached the elevator and Erwin allowed Petra and Eren to enter first before going in himself, punching in the button for the ground floor.

Eren shook his head. "No, no," he said slowly. He touched his face, ran a hand through his hair. "I can't be dead. I'm walking. I'm talking to you guys! You guys can hear and see me. There's no way."

"I thought you were saying something about him accepting his death quietly," the man said to Petra, amused. His companion only shrugged at him, an apologetic smile on her face. Erwin turned back to Eren and waved his hand around. "That empty shell beneath the vending machine upstairs was your body. This? This is your new husk." When Eren turned to look at Erwin, face scrunched up because, really, what kind of explanation was that, Erwin shrugged. "An elevator shaft isn't really the best place to discuss this, Eren."

"But I'm too young to die!" he protested.

"Not everyone gets to live a long and happy life," Petra said quietly, twirling a lock of her short hair between her fingers. She looked sad and Eren thought about apologizing to her but he didn't really know what he'd be saying sorry for. Shouldn't they be the ones apologizing to him anyway? After all, he was the one who had just died.

Erwin put a hand on Eren's shoulder and squeezed it. "You saw it yourself, Eren. That was your body lying on the floor, crushed by that vending machine."

"That's not fair," Eren protested before he could stop himself. He sounded whiny, childish, but who could blame him? Nineteen years old with hardly any life lived, anyone else would be mad as well. God, he hadn't even moved out of his parents' house. He hadn't graduated college, held a job for more than a month, and never had a serious relationship. Hell, he'd barely done anything. And now…

Petra shrugged. "That's life," she replied. She didn't sound upset about it. It was just a statement of fact and Eren found that unsettling.

He was on the verge of tears. It was only his hatred of showing weakness that kept him from crying in front of strangers. He sniffed, swiping at his eyes with his sleeve. If Erwin and Petra noticed him crying they made no move to comfort him. "So," he said hesitantly as the elevator doors opened. "What happens now?"

Erwin stepped out, Petra close behind him. He turned his head back to speak to Eren. There were his blue eyes staring straight at him, cold as ice. "Now?" Erwin repeated. "You can follow us. Or not. But it's your choice, Eren."

They didn't even look back as they left, which Eren found quite rude. He bit his lip as he debated on whether or not he should follow them. Part of him thought it had to be a dream but something in the back of his mind told him it wasn't. Even he couldn't dream up something this ridiculous. The doors began to close and he found himself slipping between them, running to catch up to where Erwin and Petra were. Maybe he was dead. He could accept that, fine, but he refused to be kept in the dark.

* * *

 _ **A/N:** I should probably finish my other fics before starting new ones but this one has been brewing in my mind for so long and I couldn't help myself. And I know that there are probably a lot of questions so far but I promise I'll address most of them in the next couple of chapters. Expect another chapter next month~_

 _Reviews are appreciated, so please drop by with feedback if you have the time. If you ever have questions feel free to PM me or visit my tumblr pickalily writes :)_


	2. Newly Dead

"Would you like another slice, Eren?" Petra asked nicely.

"That's his seventh slice," Erwin murmured.

Petra gave him a sharp jab in the ribs. "If it helps him get over the shock, I hardly think that's an issue. I'll pay for it if it'll make you stop whining, Mr. Professor," she hissed. She looked back at Eren and gave him a reassuring smile. "Order anything you'd like. You sure seem to be liking that pomegranate pie a lot."

"Ah, that would be great," Eren said, shoveling the last piece of pie in his mouth. Despite the startling red of the fruit pie, the flavor was a lot subtler than he thought it would be. Each little seed had a burst of flavor and the addition of lime zest on the top was divine. The curst, golden and flaky, melted right in his mouth. Each dish was like a little slice of heaven. God, why hadn't he known about this diner before? "Are you sure I'm not in heaven? It would really explain why this pie tastes so damn good."

"Very sure, but I'm glad you're liking the pie." She looked rather pleased with herself, probably for suggesting they go to the restaurant in the first place, and waved over the waiter who looked like he was going to fall asleep standing up. "Another slice of pomegranate for my friend here,' Petra said.

The waiter – his nametag said "Jean" – scrawled the name down on his notepad. If he thought Eren was strange for pretty much eating an entire pie by himself in one sitting, he didn't say anything. "Would you like anything for yourselves? Erwin? Petra?" Eren noticed that the boy, about his age but much taller, was familiar enough with Erwin and Petra to call them by their names and was comfortable enough around them to not bother hiding the fact that he was just about ready to knock the fuck out. Dark circles were under his eyes and he looked like he hadn't had a decent sleep in days and he let out a huge yawn, barely covering it up with his mouth. "Maybe something to-go? I can get a fresh apple pie for you to take back to Hanji before you leave."

"That would be lovely," Petra said, smiling graciously. "I'll definitely let you know when I'm leaving."

"Alright," Jean nodded, adding the order to his notepad. "Erwin? I notice you haven't ordered anything since you got here."

The tall blond shook his head. "No, thank you. I had a big lunch and am quite full. Give your mother my regards though."

"Pomegranate, apple, and regards," the waiter mumbled as he went over the list. "I'll be back in a bit."

As soon as he was out of earshot, Petra leaned over with her elbows on the table so she could whisper to Eren, "That's Jean. He's a sweetheart. He's helped his mom out with this restaurant ever since he was sixteen." She sat back down and smiled sweetly at Erwin. "Don't you think Jean looks incredibly exhausted lately? He told me the other day that being an architect major is more tiring than he anticipated. Wouldn't it be nice if we gave him an extra-large tip?"

Erwin raised an eyebrow. "I thought you said you were paying for this. Surely you can give him the tip you think he deserves as well."

Petra rolled her eyes. "Stingy-ass professor," she huffed under her breath.

Eren twirled his fork in his hand, feeling a bit awkward. Petra and Erwin had been nothing but kind to him, but he still didn't know just how to talk to them. How exactly did one talk to, er, reapers? And if he was really dead… "Why can't people see me?" he said much louder than he intended.

Petra and Erwin looked at the boy, somewhat startled. A few beats passed before Petra answered. "People can see you," she assured him in the same gentle tone she had used to speak with him throughout their entire conversation. He normally would have found her manner of speaking, a bit maternal and reminiscent of how his mother would talk to him when he asked her questions when he was younger, a bit annoying and patronizing, but he admittedly needed some comfort in his life even if the voice was telling him he was dead. "It's just that you don't look like, well, you. So that's why no one batted an eyelash when I pulled you out of the crowd surrounding, um, you know." She made a vague gesture of her hand but he knew she was referring to his dead body lying underneath the vending machine.

"If I don't look like me…then…what do I look like?" he asked hesitantly. A vision of a zombie-esque version of himself flashed in his mind but his shook himself of it almost immediately. He was sure that people would have taken notice of him if he looked like that and the waiter – Jean, he reminded himself – had hardly batted an eyelash at Eren when he sat down.

"Look right there." Erwin pointed at the window they sat next to.

At first Eren just stared blankly through the glass pane, expecting to see something outside that would answer all of his questions. It took him a second to realize that Erwin wasn't pointing to something outside but rather at the reflections staring back at him. He nearly jumped out of his seat once he finally saw that the reflections didn't match anyone sitting at the table. Where Petra sat, a similar-looking woman was in her place but her short bobbed hair was a honey blonde and her eyes were blue instead of the warm amber they were now. Erwin Smith, at least the one that sat across from Eren, was well groomed, with his blond hair slicked back and a clean-shaven jaw. The one in the glass seemed like a poor replacement. His cheeks were sunken in like he hadn't eaten properly in weeks and his eyes were glassy instead of clear and alert. His hair was messy and a bit of a dirty-blond color that was much less brilliant than the bright counterpart of the real Erwin Smith.

However, Eren's own reflection was the one that startled him the most. His face was so long and pointy, even wolfish, and his mouth looked way too wide for his face. Instead of his blue-green eyes, frighteningly cold gray ones stared back at him. His hair, which has always been in a normally short cut that wasn't particularly distinct for any guy, was now long and shaggy, hanging in his face. He bared his teeth at the stranger in the glass and was surprised at how far the stranger was able to stretch his mouth. This only made him look all the more frightening. Perhaps he'd just refrain from smiling altogether now that this was his new look.

Someone cleared their throat, startling Eren. The waiter had come back, pie in hand. "Is everything alright?" he asked. Jean was about to peer into the window too but Eren shook his head hard.

"Sorry, just thought I saw someone I knew out there," Eren said hurriedly. "Thanks." He grabbed the plate out of Jean's hands before he could set it down and began shoving forkfuls of pie in his face, hoping this would make the boy leave faster.

Jean looked at Petra for an explanation and she shrugged. "He's having a weird day," she said as if that could explain everything.

The waiter either didn't care or was too tired to prompt further and he gave a nod, walking away after reminding Petra to let him know when she was leaving so he could give her the pie she ordered.

Erwin was clearly amused if the suppressed smile on his face was anything to go by. "So, Eren," Erwin said. "Any other questions you have? I have the rest of the day off so I can answer any questions you have, but most people like to talk to Petra. She's much more…approachable. I'm afraid she has an appointment to get to later and won't be available to you until tomorrow."

"I'm going downtown later to pick up another soul," she sighed. Eren found that she was incredibly talkative and ready to provide extra information even before he could ask for it. He wondered if he'd find this particular habit of hers annoying in the future. "Levi – he's another reaper in our division that's going to work with you so you'll meet him in a day or two after we get everything set up for you – is going to pick me up though so I think I'll be able to avoid any creeps along the way."

"Levi, Hanji, you, Erwin," Eren listed out, "and me. Are there any other reapers?"

"Nope!" Petra said cheerfully. "Just the five of us. You'll take to the work fairly quickly. You're a bright kid, Eren. We just lost a member in our division recently, so it's nice that we have a replacement."

 _Ah,_ Eren thought. Reaping wasn't a permanent thing. That was a bit of a relief. "So was it you who reaped me or was it Erwin? I didn't really notice you guys until you collected me after I got smashed by the vending machine?"

"Neither, I'm afraid," Erwin replied. He peered around them, checking to make sure that no one had heard that last bit. Eren had the tendency to speak louder than needed. When he was sure that no one except Petra and Eren were listening he proceeded to further explain. "Do you remember the fellow who was talking to you prior to the accident? He was bearded and had glasses. On the tall side. He might have patted your back or given you a quick brush on the shoulder. His name was Zeke, but he probably never mentioned that to you."

"I don't…" But then he remembered the strange guy who had talked to him before his fateful end. The man Erwin described matched the man who had come up to Eren earlier. If his memory wasn't too fuzzy, he did remember receiving a pat on the back before the man left. Remembering the touch sent shivers up Eren's spine although he hadn't thought there was anything particularly ominous about the gesture back then. "I see," he said.

"Ugh, Zeke," Petra shuddered. "He gave me the creeps sometimes." It made Eren slightly better that someone else didn't take a liking to the reaper who took his soul. He could at least use Petra's own dislike of the guy justify his hatred of the man who killed him. (Although Petra and Erwin had repeatedly told him that reapers didn't kill anyone. They merely removed the soul from the body prior to death to ensure that the deceased wouldn't have to go through anything traumatic before their soul ascended beyond something they referred to as "Walls," which was something like an afterlife. No matter how they explained it, it still sounded like murder to him.)

"Petra," Erwin scolded.

Petra ignored him. "You won't be seeing him anymore, Eren," she said, answering the question that was about to leave his lips. He wasn't sure if she was psychic or just had good foresight, but he was grateful for her ability to predict his queries. "Reapers have a quota to fulfill. Once they reap their last soul – yours just happened to be Zeke's – that last soul becomes the new reaper. It's completely random, both the number of souls a person has to reap and who becomes the next reaper." She smiled apologetically.

The next forkful of pie was difficult to swallow. So this was all just random and he happened to get the short end of the stick? As if his life wasn't shit enough, this sorry joke of an afterlife had to be shitty as well. He'd throw a fit but he hardly thought that would be helpful for anyone. After processing all of this, he asked, "So…we just take their souls and lead them to the Walls?"

"That's it in a nutshell," Petra said.

"But do you ever get used to it?" Eren asked, swallowing. "Being dead?"

Petra reached over to cover her hand with his. It was as warm and felt as real as any other living person's. "Dying is a part of life just as much as living is. Like being born, going to school, getting married…" Her voice trailed off at the last part and her eyes glazed over as if she was thinking about something important.

"Except instead of being newlywed, I guess dying would make you newly dead," Erwin interjected. His mouth twitched upward in a smirk and he was clearly pleased at his cleverness with words.

Neither Eren nor Petra laughed and the ginger pinched her companion's side. "God, Erwin, if Levi were here, he'd tell you that joke was shit." A phone buzzed and Petra dug around in her purse, pulling out her phone. She looked at the screen and frowned. "Hm, speak of the devil. Erwin, if you need anything, please call me. Actually, text me, but call me if it's a big emergency. Eren, don't be afraid to come to Erwin with any questions you have." She got up, smoothing out her skirt and slinging her purse over her shoulder. "I'll see you two tomorrow!"

"Tell Levi and Hanji we said hello," Erwin waved.

Eren also mumbled a farewell and watched as Petra walked to the counter to pay for all of Eren's servings of pie and to collect the pie she had previously ordered from Jean, slipping a crisp twenty dollar bill in the waiter's apron pocket as she hugged him goodbye. She gave Eren and Erwin a final wave before she walked out the doors, meeting a sour-looking man right outside the window. They seemed to be discussing him, Eren thought as he saw Petra make gestures towards the window where Erwin and Eren sat. The man looked to be declining an invitation to meet him, shaking his head. Petra pouted and rolled her eyes but the man didn't budge. Letting out a defeated sigh, Petra linked her arm through the man's and they walked off as if they were off to do something normal, go on a date or see a movie, but they were really just collecting souls. It was pretty spooky once Eren thought about it.

"That's Levi," Erwin said, interrupting Eren's train of thought. "I'll have him show you the ropes later."

"Eh? Is that so?" Eren stuttered. He had only had a glance or two at the other reaper but he didn't look as…friendly as Erwin or Petra. It could have been his all-black ensemble or just the sullen expression on his face, but something about his look made Eren feel slightly relieved when this Levi guy simply just walked off with Petra. "I look forward to it, sir."

Erwin chuckled at the boy. "Levi isn't as unfriendly as he looks. Although that might not be saying much," he mused. "And no need to call me 'sir,' Eren. 'Erwin' will do just fine."

"Ah, thanks, Erwin," Eren said, the name feeling strange on his tongue. Calling Petra by her name was much more natural to him. An invisible screen seemed to separate him from Erwin that wasn't there with Petra. Although Petra had never said anything, something told Eren that Erwin was the authority figure in their group of reapers.

Noting the awkward silence, Erwin cleared his throat, pulling at the collar of his button down. "Did you have any other questions for me, Eren? You don't have to force yourself to think of anything right now. I know this is a lot to take in-"

"Is there a god?" Eren blurted out.

Startled, Erwin blinked back at the curious teenager. His eyes softened and it was the first time Eren felt that Erwin could be a kind soul after all. "I don't know," he said simply.

"You don't know?" Eren repeated. His eyebrow furrowed and he could feel his temper rising. "What do you mean you don't know? You've been doing this for years and you don't know if there's a god?"

"I just get the souls and help them pass over the Walls," Erwin said. His tone was stern, warning Eren to keep his temper in check, but he still had the same sympathetic look in his eyes. "What's past those Walls and who lies beyond them, if there's a god or other higher being up there, is beyond me. I'm sorry, Eren. I don't have the answers to everything. I'm doubtful anyone does."

There was a heavy pause. "So where do I go now?" he asked finally. He couldn't see himself going back home. How would he tell his mom that he was dead but, well, kind of not really? And Mikasa was always patiently waiting to hear whatever little information he grudgingly shared with her, but he had a feeling that even she would feel like he was batshit crazy if he walked up in his new form to tell her that he was her adopted brother Eren and that he now had a new job reaping souls.

"That," Erwin said, "is a question I do have an answer to."

* * *

"This is all temporary, of course," Erwin said, stacking papers that were strewn all over his coffee table and couch. "We'll find you a more permanent living space after we get all of your papers sorted out. You'll have to excuse the mess while you're here." It was a pretty spacious apartment, especially for one person, and Eren had to wonder if Erwin really did live here by himself. Well, and his dog Wolfgang, which was currently sniffing Eren curiously but wasn't growling at him at all so he couldn't really complain about it. ("Petra named him," Erwin said sheepishly. "She loves music a lot.")

"Er, that's alright," Eren said. He would help the man with all of his papers, but it looked like a tornado had blown in through Erwin's abode and Eren didn't quite know where to start cleaning. "What do I need papers for?"

The couch was finally now clear of papers and Erwin puffed out his chest, proud of his work. (Eren didn't think it was very much to be proud of. How could one person accumulate so much paper that it would cover an entire couch?) "Yours are no good now that you're deceased, especially since we're still operating in Shiganshina. You'll need to take up a new identity for the time being. That shouldn't take that long though."

"I-I guess that makes sense…" Eren sat down on the couch. Wolfgang must have been accustomed to cuddling with people on the couch because he made a move to sit on Eren's lap before Erwin shooed him away.

"You're still a bit shaken. Take a good long rest, Eren," Erwin said, patting him on the shoulder. "Feel free to flip on the TV if that helps you take your mind off of things. I'll get you some blankets so you can sleep later."

Eren nodded wordlessly. As Erwin left to get blankets and pillows, Eren flipped on the TV like the blond had suggested. It turned out to be a terrible idea. The first channel was covering a horrific freak accident that had occurred at a temp agency – Eren's freak accident. The next few channels were covering the same story and Eren decided to give up on TV entirely, at least for the next couple of days. Feeling exhausted and overwhelmed by today's events, Eren collapsed on the couch and lay there.

"Nothing to watch on TV?" Erwin inquired, placing the blankets on the arm of the couch.

He shrugged. "Nothing interesting," Eren answered. Perhaps if it were Petra, Eren might feel like attempting a conversation. Now he only just wanted to sleep.

Sensing that the newly dead boy wanted some time alone, Erwin stood up to leave. "I'll be in my room if you need me, Eren. We'll talk more over dinner if you're feeling better," He called to Wolfgang who eagerly followed the man to his room. It was only when Eren heard the door of Erwin's room shut that he felt at ease enough to completely shut his eyes.

He must have fallen asleep straight through dinnertime because when he woke up it was pitch black. Erwin must have covered him in blankets because he was pretty snuggled up and warm beneath two thick quilts. He wondered what time it was and squinted at the clock on the wall but couldn't see what time it was at all. Still tired, Eren decided to return to his sleep when he heard two quick raps at the door. He debated about whether or not to open it but before he could make up his mind he saw another figure, Erwin, walk briskly to the door, bending over to pick up something that had slipped through the crack. Once Erwin stood up, Eren could see that the man was clutching a folder in his hand. It didn't seem like it should be something forbidden to witness, but Eren still felt uneasy about seeing Erwin with the folder. He shut his eyes, hoping that Erwin wouldn't notice, but Erwin spoke.

"Eren," Erwin said softly. He wasn't speaking harshly but Eren still flinched at hearing his name spoken aloud. "Go back to sleep."

"Yes, sir," Eren said hastily. "Er, Erwin."

Erwin padded quietly back into his room and Eren thought about what a strange man he was. Perhaps he wasn't as strange as Eren's entire situation, but he was definitely a big part of this reaper thing. After the unknown visitor and the folder Erwin picked up combined with his own vending machine death, Eren wasn't sure if he would be able to fall back asleep. As it turned out, sleep found him more easily than he expected and he fell into a deep slumber.

* * *

 _A/N: I hope you enjoyed this chapter! Levi and Hanji will probably appear in the next chapter. If not, they'll definitely show up in chapter four. Expect another chapter in January :) If you have any questions about this fic, feel free to ask in a comment or just ask me at my tumblr: pickalilywrites_

 _Happy New Year~_


	3. Fun in Funeral

**A/N:** _Apologies for the late upload. School was super hectic this year :( Hopefully summer will give me time to write more even though I should be doing research for my engineering project this upcoming year..._

 **Word Count:** _6,034_

* * *

Their mother cried a lot. No, not their. _Her_ mother cried a lot. Eren was dead. Did death automatically disqualify him from being a son? Death nullified marriages; perhaps it did the same thing to do with other types of familial relationships. Then again, maybe she was thinking about this far too much. It's funny. She only cried once after hearing the news, her mother bawling her eyes out after getting a call from the temp agency, but she hadn't shed a tear since that afternoon. She stood as still as a statue when she saw her brother's corpse while her mother wailed, crying about how it couldn't be because he had been alive just earlier this morning so this was impossible – _Mikasa, you saw him leave the house! He was breathing and this can't be true! You know this!_ – which left her to deal with identifying the bodies and the sympathetic glances of their neighbors.

There came a point when Mikasa was tired of hearing her mother's crying. She wished Eren were back in his room, knocking his stuff around and mumbling about how their mom was so dramatic. At least then she knew it would end.

Maybe that's why she snapped that morning. A parent should never have to arrange their child's funeral, but leaving it to their other child to bear isn't that much better. She shouldn't have to know what kind of flowers to pick for the bouquets, which room to book at the funeral home, or whom she should notify about the funeral. Every time she turned to her mother, she'd find her crying at the kitchen counter. Why was she crying so much? Why did she cry all of the time? Crying wouldn't solve anything. No amount of tears would bring Eren back to life. Her sadness didn't excuse her for all of the times she wronged Eren, made him do things he never wanted to do like take that damn job that fateful day. So why was she crying all of the time? Why couldn't she…

"Shut up." The words left her mouth before she realized she said them. Her voice was hoarse from talking to all of those people on the phone, booking dates and times and ordering flowers and caskets and things that nobody should be ordering at the age of nineteen. "Would you shut up? You cry all of the time. You always do this. You cried when he was alive and now you cry when he's dead. You cry like you didn't do anything wrong. You cry like it'll fix all of your problems. You cry, you cry, you cry, and it has never and will never make anything okay. Eren is dead and he'll always be dead and no amount of tears you shed will ever change that so shut up, shut up, SHUT UP." She had never raised her voice at her mother, not that she could remember. She almost felt bad for yelling at her, almost apologized for it, but she bit her tongue. It was exhilarating, being this angry. It reminded her of someone. It reminded her of Eren.

Her mother looked up from where she sat, her head out of her hands for once. She didn't look mad or even shocked that Mikasa had yelled at her. If anything, she looked almost happy for the briefest second until she realized the voice yelling at her did not belong to her son. It wasn't before long that her mother sank her head back into her hands and she cried again. Her shoulders heaved but she no longer made a noise. Mikasa couldn't tell if this was better or worse than before.

Not being able to bear being in the same room as her mother, Mikasa got up and left without another word.

* * *

Eren had gone to funerals but going to his own funeral was an entirely different experience. It was weird seeing people from his high school here and realizing just how few friends he had. In fact, most of the people attending were friends of his family but no one he actually cared for. It was even stranger that seeing his mother cry made him feel guilty. He was used to seeing her cry, especially since he was the reason she cried about ninety percent of the time. Even now he was the reason she was sobbing, their next door neighbor patting her on the back but offering no words of comfort because there is nothing to say that will make someone who lost their son feel better. He'd never felt guilty making her cry before but now seeing her bawling her eyes out and knowing he was the reason why made him feel like a monster. Eren wondered if it would at least be comforting to think that it was probably the last time he'd ever make her cry.

An arm linked through his and he turned to see Petra beside him. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Ah – yes," he stuttered, surprised at the question. His voice was shakier than it usually was and he was surprised when he realized tears were running down his face. It wasn't that he was particularly sad about dying – he was still feeling numb about the whole reaping situation – but it was more like the atmosphere was weighing against his whole being and the realization of how empty his life was and now seeing his mother cry was wrecking him inside. "I just – it's weird, you know? Do you always do this? Go to the funerals of people you reap?"

She shrugged. "Not normally. I've gone to a few every once in a while but it's not something we make a habit of. Reaping isn't a personal thing so we don't usually get involved with funerals and such." She swept a lock of her ginger hair behind her ear and tilted her head. "Do you think that's cruel?"

It made sense but her words sent a shiver up his spine anyway. He didn't think he'd ever get used to reaping. How do you end someone's life like that and waltz away like nothing had happened at all? But he lied anyway. "No."

A smile flickered across her face. "Liar," she hummed. "Sorry if you think it's weird going to your own. It's just customary to have you say goodbye to your old life. This might be the last time you see everyone."

He wasn't sure he liked the sound of that too much. At first it seemed like a kindness, being able to revisit his past life and the people he loved one last time, but it was so cruel too. He'd get to see them one last time only to have it wrenched away from him. It was like dying twice.

The pair wandered around the funeral hall, observing as people mourned and paid their respects to his ashes. (Petra had explained earlier that morning that Eren's family had decided to cremate the body since the little vending machine incident had left his body a little, er, a bit difficult to present.) He noticed that Petra would subtly steer him away from his family, as if she didn't trust him to avoid them herself despite the warning she had given him the moment they had walked in. The thought of speaking to them one last time and revealing that he wasn't truly dead was tempting but he wasn't sure they would take it too well. What would he even say if they did believe him?

As they passed by a floral arrangement that the rest of the reapers Eren would be working with had picked out for the funeral ("Well, I actually picked them out," Petra said, "but Hanji came with me and Levi paid! The little blue ones are forget-me-nots. Do you like them? "), Eren spotted a familiar figure standing nervously in the corner, balled up tissues clenched in her fist.

"Sasha?" The words were out of his mouth before he could even think and he felt Petra tense up beside him.

His former coworker whipped her head around to see him, a confused look on her face. Sure he had gotten the wrong person, she began to scurry off to another corner of the room but Eren bounded over and grabbed her by the wrist, ignoring the panicked "Don't!" from Petra as he slipped away.

"Sasha!" he repeated, relieved to see someone he actually liked at his funeral. Despite only knowing her for half a day, he was touched that she had even bothered showing up but seeing the bubbly brunette with tearstained cheeks made him feel horrible. Realizing that she was staring him in horror and that she no longer recognized him because his reaper form was completely different from his appearance from when he was alive, Eren began to stumble with his words in an attempt to hide his identity. "Er, you're Sasha, right?"

The girl sniffled, still clearly confused. "Y-yes." Her voice was thick and heavy, as if she had been crying all day. "I'm sorry, but do I know you? I can't really remember ever meeting you…"

"Ah, that's right, we've never met!" he said, reaching out and grabbing her hand to shake it even though she didn't offer it out to him. He pumped it a little to enthusiastically. "I'm, uh, Eren's high school friend. We had lunch together the day he, er, passed and he mentioned you. He said it was nice that he was able to meet someone so easy to work with on the first day of his job. He said he looked forward to working with you more."

"He…He really said that?" she whispered. Tears welled up in her eyes and he cursed himself for saying the wrong thing but she suddenly burst into a small smile. Wiping her tears away, she sniffed and said, "God, I feel bad for even feeling the tiniest bit happy right now but I really am glad you told me that. He was the only person who didn't think I was a joke at that place. I thought it would be weird if I came here though because I only got to meet him for half a day."

"No, it's not weird! I bet he'd be really glad you came!" Eren stammered. And he really was glad that Sasha had come. It was a little horrible to admit, but she was proof there was someone who genuinely liked him and didn't just come out of guilt.

"Thanks…" Sasha said, a small smile on her face. She looked apologetically at him. "I'm sorry, I don't know your name."

"My name?" Eren repeated. Here was when Eren knew he fucked up. He didn't have a backup identity to fall back on in this kind of situation. Did Petra and Erwin prep him on this? He was sure that they might have but so many things had happened to him in the past week that the only thing he really remembered from any of their conversations was that he was as dead as a doornail. Now he was standing there like an idiot while Sasha stared at him, wondering if her new acquaintance was crazy.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Petra. She always seemed to be at his side nowadays, always popping in to save him at the last minute or stop him from revealing any secrets. "Kuklo, there you are!" she said, her lips in a thin smile. It was scary seeing Petra angry. It was even scarier but she wasn't the type to scream and shout like his mom. Hers was a calm and contained anger, which was so much more terrifying. She turned to Sasha and gave a more genuine smile. "And who is this?"

"Sasha Braus," Sasha said quickly, holding out her hand and pumping it a little too enthusiastically after Petra took it. "I was a coworker of Eren's before he…before he…" Her eyes were welling up with tears again and all Eren could do was stand there awkwardly, not knowing if comforting her would be the wrong move or not since he technically just "met" her. She looked up, blinking back tears. "I'm so sorry. I barely knew him but I feel so bad that he's…he's…"

Petra looked at her sympathetically and wrapped her arms around the girl, allowing Sasha to rest her head on her shoulder. "Hey, it's fine. You're allowed to be sad," Petra said softly, patting Sasha's back. Sasha didn't pull herself away. Honestly, Eren couldn't blame her. Petra gave off the sort of warmth you'd associate with a mother. "Kuklo said Eren would have been glad to know you came, right? If Eren mentioned you at all in a positive light, you know he meant it. That boy didn't lie about things like that, so I'm sure he really valued your company in the short time that you two knew each other. Kuklo knew him better, the two were friends and I only got to meet Eren occasionally whenever he came over, but he was very honest." She briefly glanced back at Eren to see if he was listening to what she was saying and Eren gave her a quick and subtle nod, making a mental note to remember that Petra would be the older sister to his new Kuklo persona.

This only seemed to make Sasha wail harder. "This is all my fault! If I had only convinced him to eat lunch with me, he never would have died!"

"Hush, hush," Petra said calmly. She dug around her purse and pulled out a small pack of tissues. Pulling one out, she handed it to Sasha. "Dry your face, sweetie. None of this is your fault. You didn't do anything and you couldn't have stopped this. Sometimes life just happens." Petra may have claimed not to frequent funerals very often, but Eren had the sense that she had a lot of experience comforting the deceased's friends and loved ones.

Sasha hastily wiped her face, blowing her nose with the tissue before crumpling it and shoving it in her pocket to throw away later.

"Take the rest of the tissues too," Petra said, handing the packet to Sasha. "Don't thank me! I have plenty more in my purse."

"You're so nice," Sasha sniffled, blowing her nose again.

Petra smiled kindly. "You can just call me Petra. Are you going to be okay?"

"I think so," Sasha answered. The way her nose was running made Eren think she was lying, but Petra seemed to think it was okay.

"I'll leave you two alone then," Petra said, giving Sasha another pat on the shoulder. As she passed by Eren, she stopped to grab his arm. Even though her stature was like that of a modern day fairy, she had an iron grip. Eren was pretty sure the blood in his arm had stopped flowing. "Don't wander," she whispered to him before letting go and disappearing into the crowd.

He shivered but Sasha didn't seem to pick up on Petra's hostile vibes. It was for the better he supposed, but, fuck, those reapers could be terrifying. Shaking it off, he turned to Sasha again and found that she was mostly dry-eyed although her eyes were horribly red as was the tip of her nose. "Sasha," he said quietly. "Eren really did like the time he spent with you. He told me he was planning on having lunch with you tomorrow. And that he felt bad for blowing you off that day but that you were, you know, really cool and everything." God, he was terrible at this and horribly awkward. He couldn't bear to look her in the face, sure that she'd only gawk at him but he looked up to see her slightly teary again, but her lips were pursed like she was trying to stop herself from smiling again.

"You're a really good person," Sasha said.

The earnest way she said it made him feel guilty about deceiving her but there really wasn't anything he could do. If he told him who he really was, it would seem like a cruel joke or she'd think he was insane. The best he could do was shrug his shoulders like the loser he was and give her a final parting pat on the shoulder. He'd probably never see her again after this but he hoped that he had made her feel as if she had an impact on his previous life and that he – Eren, anyway – valued their friendship. "I should probably get going. My, ah, sister worries a lot. But it was really nice meeting you, Sasha."

She gave him a shaky smile. "You too, Kuklo."

Eren felt terrible leaving her there in the corner, surrounded by other grieving people that she didn't really know at all. He was deeply touched that she came and part of him wanted to run back and invite her to the diner he went to a few days ago, knowing that she had a deep appreciate for food and would enjoy all of the delicious pies served there. Petra would probably scold him though and he didn't really want to find out what she was like angry. Or Erwin. His stern eyebrows clearly were a sign that he was not a man to be crossed.

He found Petra and Erwin chatting with someone. Eren couldn't tell who it was because the man's back was turned but it looked an awful lot like his…

"Dad?"

All three people turned to look at Eren. The man, definitely his father who he hadn't seen in months, looked at Eren with confusion. Erwin and Petra were sharing glances that said they needed to fix things and fast before Eren fucked up even more.

Eren cleared his throat. "Did you call dad, I meant," he said, fidgeting a little bit and looking over at Petra. He hoped she'd play along and that his father wouldn't notice his slip up. "I forgot to tell him I'd be here with you."

"I texted him," Petra answered without skipping a beat. "Professor Jaeger, my brother Kuklo. Kuklo, this is Professor Jaeger. He was Eren's father. He teaches philosophy at Shiganshina University where Erwin and I work." Huh. What a small world.

Eren was surprised to see his father dry eyed and calm. He had always been a serious man, kind of detached at times, but Eren never considered him to be unemotional. A parent should cry at their child's funeral, Eren thought, even if they were a naturally composed person such as his father. Professor Jaeger simply shook Eren's hand as if it was any other day and he was meeting a stranger under normal circumstances. "Thank you for coming," Professor Jaeger said solemnly. "Miss Ral, you never mentioned you had a brother."

Petra shrugged. "I don't think it ever came up," she said apologetically. "He used to live with my parents but he's moving in with me in a few days. I told him that Erwin and I were going to attend your son's funeral and he wanted to pay his respects."

"Ah, well," Professor Jaeger said, shifting his glasses up the bridge of his nose. "I appreciate you all for coming here. It's very kind of you."

"No need to thank us. You are a coworker and it's important that we not abandon you in this tough times," Erwin said. Like Petra, he seemed to be used to funerals and conversing with the mourners. Eren couldn't imagine being this calm about it. "Although, I did just hear about it in the obituary and thought the last name was purely coincidental. I don't recall ever hearing you talk about Eren."

Something about Erwin's comment stung and Eren was about to angrily turn to the man and ask what he meant by that statement. It was insensitive and rude, prodding a man about details like that during such a tragic event. Petra must have sensed his irritation because she gripped his wrist tightly, giving him a stern look when he turned to glare at her for stopping him.

His father didn't seem at all disturbed, only mildly surprised. "Is that so? I suppose I was far too busy to ever discuss my personal life with colleagues," he mused. He was busy. It was an explanation he used all of the time. He couldn't be bothered to make his son's sports games because there was important meeting he had to attend. He was too swamped with grading to have dinner with the family. He couldn't make it to the Christmas party because he needed to prep for next semester's classes. It had always seemed like a valid excuse at that time but it was strange for Eren to hear that he couldn't mention his son even once. His father didn't even seem ashamed that he had forgotten to mention that he had a son.

"I suppose that happens sometimes. You're a very busy man after all," Erwin responded. Whether or not he felt it was an appropriate answer, Eren couldn't tell. That man had an unreadable face most of the time. Even when Erwin smiled Eren felt as if he were hiding something.

Petra tugged on Erwin's sleeve, motioning towards the benches.

"We should probably sit down before all of the seats are taken," Erwin said to Eren's father. "Your other guests probably want to give you're their condolences as well."

"Thank you again," Professor Jaeger said, nodding. "Kuklo. Very nice meeting you today despite the circumstances."

"Likewise," Eren said but he had to choke out the words. He wondered if his father could hear the hollowness of his words but the professor turned before Eren could examine his expression. Petra was now steering him toward the seats furthest away from his urn of ashes.

"Are you okay?" she whispered, sitting down by his side while Erwin occupied the seat on his other side.

"No." He considered lying but Petra could read people like a book. Maybe living after death gave you more insight to people's true feelings. There wasn't any use in lying anyway. It wasn't like telling Petra he was okay when he wasn't would make anyone feel better.

He wouldn't consider Petra to be chatty. She's talkative, yes, but that was only because Erwin wasn't a big conversationalist. He only said what needed to be said. Petra normally carried conversations, filling in gaps of silences with questions or telling Eren about her day. She knew when silence was necessary though and this was one of those times. She let him be alone with his thoughts, allowing her quiet presence to be enough. Erwin was also staying silent although Eren had a feeling it was because he was just lost in his own thoughts, maybe thinking about that mysterious figure that slipped those folders under his apartment door in the early mornings, instead of out of consideration.

The rest of the benches began to fill up. He never really thought about what his funeral would be like when he was alive, but he was surprised that so many people came. There were people from his high school classmates, people who barely talked to him when they were alive, bawling their eyes out. A few of his teachers were there too, all of their faces solemn with a few of them shedding tears. Sasha was sitting a few rows down from him, still crying and blowing her nose with the tissues that Petra had given her. At the front were his mother and father sitting a noticeable distance away. His mother was sniffling and red-eyed but she wasn't sobbing like she normally did after a fight with him. Mikasa was sitting by his mother's side, stiff as a statue, and Eren wondered how she was holding up. She was always fine and he couldn't remember her being anything but that. Even when she was sad or angry it would be a calm, controlled sort. It was difficult to tell if she was crying or not since she was sitting to still and Eren wished she would turn around or move, some sort of sign that would tell him how she was feeling, but she just remained there unmoving.

A man obscured his vision, pushing past him but didn't excuse himself. Eren looked up to his face and thought it was strange that the man's expression was bored rather than one of grieving. It was only when the man sat down next to Petra that Eren realized he must be the other reaper. It couldn't be Hanji because the clothes Eren were wearing right now were Hanji's. (Petra had come over earlier that morning to deliver them, saying it was Hanji's way of apologizing for not being able to make it to the funeral.) Hanji must be about Eren's size and this man, judging from how he looked compared next to Petra, was kind of, er, short.

"I thought you said you had work today," Petra murmured as the raven-haired man slipped in beside her.

"I wanted to see the new kid," Levi answered, looking over Eren from the corner of his eye. Eren tried not to freeze up at the man's steely gaze. "He looks like a brat."

"He's a good kid," Erwin said, patting Eren on the back. "Kuklo, this is Levi. Levi, Kuklo."

"'Kuklo,' huh?" Levi sighed. He must have known that Petra gave Eren that name because he turned to raise an eyebrow at her and the woman only shrugged as if that was the only name that had popped up into her mind at the time. Levi didn't offer out his hand to shake and Eren was kind of relieved. He knew that first impressions were often incorrect, but Levi's eyes were kind of scary. It was like he was perpetually glaring at everyone. "How are you liking your funeral?"

"I-it's alright," Eren stammered, wondering if Levi should be talking like that in a place where other people could overhear. Erwin and Petra seemed pretty relaxed about it though and Eren took a quick look around to see that everyone else was too busy mourning to pay attention to the people around them.

"I see you've found a dress shirt to come in," Petra said to Levi, pleased. She frowned when she saw the rest of his ensemble. "Although you're still dressed in your jeans."

"Eyes up here, Ral," Levi replied. He turned to Erwin. "Hanji told me you permanently banned them from funerals."

"It was a necessary precaution," Erwin said grimly. He looked as if he was remembering an unpleasant experience, probably having something to do with why the Hanji person had been banned from funerals in the first place."

"Weird. I'd imagine Hanji'd do anything to go to another funeral. They love these things," Levi mused. "Maybe they're hiding somewhere in the back."

"Disappointed?" Petra asked, prodding him in the side. "They always put the 'fun' in funeral, don't they?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear you say that."

The priest walked in at last, standing at the side of Eren's ashes and ready to begin the service. Eren couldn't really pay attention to the words that he was saying. He imagined it was the usual crap anyway. That he was a great person, too young to die, so much he could have accomplished, his life cut tragically short. Being here was like an out of body experience. Maybe it was since his old physical form, the ashes of it anyway, was sitting at the front of the room. People always said death was cold and harsh. He'd probably feel the same way if someone he loved died. His grandfather died when he was too young to remember so he couldn't say for sure. He could pretty much deduce what it was like from what the people around him were like. They were either dark and brooding, thinking about their own mortality, or sad and grieving like his mother. Whenever the priest mentioned the name "Eren," his mom would wail and it seemed to grow every time. It was starting to give him a headache and soon he found himself standing up and leaving, knocking into Erwin's knee as he made his way out.

"Sorry," he muttered.

Petra was about to stand up and follow him outside but Levi grabbed her arm, shaking his head. "Don't."

Eren didn't hear if she protested or not, he just left. Screw being dead, he needed air. He was gasping for it when he finally made it outside, not caring that the door hadn't fully swung shut before taking a deep breath. He never went back inside. He had never been lie to himself but he kept muttering about how he would slip in again, finding a time to do so without disturbing the service, but really he was just too scared to be in that room and hear his mother crying again. (Would it even be rude if he disrupted his own funeral? He would think not but he remembered Petra mentioning how funerals were more for those who were left behind rather than the people they were being held for.) Every time he moved turned towards the door, a voice in the back of his mind whispered how it would be best if he stayed outside. What difference would his presence make? The only thing he did when he was alive was piss everyone off, sometimes even on purpose, and surely his new afterlife self would hardly be the same. Even as he convinced himself that he was making the right move by staying a way, he knew he was only doing this for himself. He could think up a million reasons about how staying outside away from the funeral would keep him from accidentally revealing his identity instead of it being a convenient way for him to forget that those ashes in there belonged to him, that he was dead, and that he needed to get over his life.

The words " _it's not fair_ " pops up into his mind again, the very same words he said to Petra the first day that he met her and she told him he was dead. It wasn't fair that he had to be at his own goddamn funeral and surround himself with people who didn't give a fuck about him when he was alive. It wasn't fair that he had to come back and hear his mother cry because of him another time. It wasn't fair that he'd never get to speak with his family ever again. It wasn't fair, it wasn't fair, it wasn't fair.

And it still wasn't fair that, when the doors to the funeral home finally open, his mother and father didn't even give him a passing glance as they stiffly follow the attendant bearing the ashes. As Mikasa walked by, he found himself reaching out towards her, extending his hand so that it almost brushed her sleeve, but someone put a hand on his shoulder to draw him back.

He turned around to see Erwin standing behind him. The man shook his head ever so slightly. He had the briefest of smiles on his face and the sight of it made Eren shiver.

He couldn't bear being there anymore. It was torture enough just dying. It was just cruel to force him to attend his own funeral. "Please," he whispered, his voice choked and raspy. "Please. Let me go." Go where? He didn't know but he would rather be anywhere but here.

Petra put her arms around him and he was grateful when she pulled him out of Erwin's grasp. "That's enough," she said. It was the same sort of comfort she gave Sasha, Eren realized. Her warmth consumed him, the circles she rubbed on his back so soothing. "Erwin. Let's take him home."

"No, not back there," he begged. The thought of the shadowy figure returning every night, the secrets that Erwin kept from everyone, were too much for him to stand. Despite the clutter, it reeked of loneliness and death. "Petra, please."

"Then you'll stay with me," she said without hesitation. Levi and Erwin exchanged looks but she ignored them both. "It's fine. We have a spare bedroom. You don't have to go back there."

He didn't now if Erwin was against it. He didn't look at him. He just saw Levi sigh. "Make up some excuse to the kid's dad if you want about why we're all leaving early. I'm driving both of them back to Petra's." He was already walking, pulling out the keys from his pocket to fiddle with in his hand. He looked back. "Are you coming, kid?"

He looked hesitantly at Erwin who gave him a nod. Reluctantly, he followed Levi and Petra back to his car. As they drove off, he took one last look at all of the funeral guests. Classmates, teachers, relatives. Sasha, Mikasa, his mother, and his father. All of those people saying goodbye to him one last time and he'd never be able to do the same. Maybe that was the worst thing about funerals.

* * *

He was in the spare room in Petra's house. It was small and cozy with the furniture already in place – a bed and a desk with a computer on it. Only the bare essentials were there. Levi was grumbling about how it was really his workroom that he hadn't consented to these rooming arrangements but Petra rolled her eyes and pointed out that the grumpy man hardly slept at her house anyway. ("You have your own apartment!" she said while he frowned.) He lay on the bed. The mattress was kind of stiff and the blankets so pristine that he felt weird like he was staying at an inn, albeit a very clean one, but he preferred it to Erwin's couch at least.

Staring at the ceiling, he thought over the events of the day. Some of it he really didn't mind. Seeing Sasha, for example, or the bouquet from the reapers that proved that at least the undead soul snatchers weren't as heartless as one would expect them to be. But there were things that would haunt him. His mother crying, Mikasa sitting stiffly as she sat in front of his ashes, and…

"Why didn't my dad ever mention me?" he wondered aloud. He had intended to just say it for the sake of it, not expecting anyone to answer and forgetting Petra was even in the room. She wasn't one to simply keep quiet during questions like these though.

"Some people are just really private about their lives," she replied. "Erwin's a lot like that. Your dad is probably like that too."

It was weird to hear her talk as if she knew about his own father than he did. Then again, maybe she did.

"Do you think…could you tell me about my dad?" he asked. The words sound so strange coming out of his mouth. He had always been content with his relationship with his father but thinking about it more made him feel like he knew nothing about the man at all. He had always assumed that his father left him alone because he wanted his son to grow up to be independent but maybe he had just never wanted to spend time with him.

Petra was quiet for a moment, deciding on whether or not sharing information about his father would be beneficial to anyone. She smoothed out a wrinkle on the bed sheet. "We'll talk about this tomorrow," she said. She stood up to leave, moving towards the door. "You went through a lot today. A break would be good for you. Just rest here and come down for lunch later, okay?"

That wasn't a yes but it wasn't a no either. It was a consideration though and it was better than an outright rejection, he decided. "Alright," he replied.

She had already gone though; disappeared behind the door she closed shut and leaving him alone with his thoughts for the rest of the afternoon.

* * *

 **A/N** **:** _Was initially just going to solely follow Eren the entire fic but I decided it wasn't fair to just leave Mikasa with no perspective. Hopefully this is a good change._

 _Also thank you for the kind reviews! They really motivate me to write more of this. Writing's hard but readers make it so worth it~_

 _Shall hopefully be much quicker about the next chapter. I should probably get to uploading the rest of my multi-chaptered fics as well. Hmm._


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